Sarah Hyland reveals why she contemplated suicide in emotional video

The bubbly actress puts her scars on display

Sarah Hyland reveals why she contemplated suicide in emotional video
Stars Insider

12/12/18 | StarsInsider

CELEBRITY Sarah Hyland

Sarah Hyland is well-known and loved as the effervescent and hilarious Haley Dunphy on 'Modern Family,' but her real life has been far from a fun, light ride

The 28-year-old actress opened up in a video with Self magazine about the tragedies and hardships that her body has been put through, all of which are almost difficult to believe from her bubbly public persona.

 
 
 
 
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When it hits you that it’s December.

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Hyland was born with kidney dysplasia, which means that her kidneys did not develop normally in the womb, and it causes them to grow cysts. Since then she's had two kidney transplants, after one failed her, and reckoned with chronic illness, dialysis, endometriosis, a hernia, and an immense mental toll. 

She recounted with overwhelmingly tearful emotion that her father donated his kidney in the first transplant seven years ago, but five years later, she went into rejection. "When a family member gives you a second chance at life, and it fails... it almost feels like it's your fault. And it's not. But it does."

The rejection was extremely hard on Hyland. “I was very depressed," she admitted, her voice wavering. "And for a long time, I was contemplating suicide." Soon after, her little brother was discovered to be a match, but Hyland was scared of experiencing that same feeling of failure with his kidney as well, and she expressed guilt that someone who she was supposed to be taking care of was taking care of her. "I had gone through 26 years of always being a burden. Of always having to be looked after, having to be cared for ... it's a really helpless feeling."

In her life, Hyland has had at least 16 surgeries, seven of which were before the age of four. Her midsection is lined with scars, which she says looks like the New Jersey Turnpike. But she isn't afraid to show them. 

"Scars are scars, they are little tally marks of what you've been through as a human being." And she has certainly been through a lot

Despite all of the moments she was ready to give up, Hyland is the first to be thankful for her beautiful, busy life, her dogs, her boyfriend, and, of course, her family. 

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